Cincy Jungle
This is not the Super Bowl any of us wanted.
In an infinite universe with an infinite number of stars and infinite planets with infinite chances of harboring life, somewhere, the Buffalo Bills and the Washington Commanders will be playing in the upcoming Super Bowl. Unfortunately, that is not our reality.
In our reality, we get a rematch between the Kansas City Chiefs, who are looking to be the first team to win three consecutive championships, and the Philadelphia Eagles, who are just completely unlikeable to anyone outside the Philadelphia area.
Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player in the history of the world. He entered a stratosphere all his own the first time he won three championships in a row (‘91, ‘92, ‘93). That’s when he stopped being Michael Jordan, the basketball player, and became Michael Jordan, the legend.
That’s where we’re at with Patrick Mahomes. He can do things that shouldn’t be possible on a football field. Quarterbacks have drilled into their heads from a young age some simple rules — don’t throw across your body, don’t throw into double/triple coverage, and don’t be careless with the ball. Mahomes breaks all those rules on a regular basis, and it works out because he’s just so physically talented. Then he’s paired with one of the greatest offensive minds in Andy Reid, and the rest is history.
If Mahomes retired today, he’d be a Hall of Famer in a few years. If he wins the Super Bowl this year, he’ll become the NFL’s Jordan. That would be great for Kansas City and maybe even great for the sport, but it would be Hell for the rest of the AFC.
Joe Burrow, Josh Allen, Justin Herbert, Lamar Jackson — all of them would be overshadowed by Mahomes the way so many quarterbacks were by Tom Brady when the Patriots played in every single AFC Championship game. Mahomes already does overshadow the rest of the league, but when he does something that has never been done before it’ll go into overdrive. They’ll crown him the GOAT immediately. If you think the Chiefs are insufferable now, just wait.
I’m not a big fan of the Eagles, but I can root for Saquon Barkley to cap off a historic finish. Either way, you cut it, this Super Bowl matchup sucks for everyone outside of Missouri, Eastern Pennsylvania, and my daughter, who loves Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.
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AP MVP Nominees:
Unfortunately for Burrow, wins are a stat and despite his MVP-caliber season, he’s out of the running. So is Jared Goff, because he doesn’t have the stats to pair with his wins. I’d love to see Barkley win because any time a running back goes over 2,000 yards in today’s pass-happy NFL it’s an amazing accomplishment. It’s going to come down between Jackson and Allen, and my guess is Allen’s divisional win over Jackson pushes the needs...
