Cincy Jungle
The Cincinnati Bengals needed to beat the 9-2 Patriots on Sunday to keep even the faintest pulse in their playoff hopes. They didn’t. Now sitting at 3-8, the best they can finish is 9-8—and that number didn’t get them into the postseason last year.
But Cincinnati is getting Joe Burrow back for Week 13—on Thanksgiving night, no less, in the Bengals’ first-ever game on the holiday. And if he had played against New England, who knows what might’ve happened? If Burrow and the Bengals somehow rip off a six-game win streak, and if a handful of other things fall perfectly into place, it’s technically possible they sneak into late January football.
A lot would need to go right. Almost nothing could go wrong.
So I’ll ask you: do you really believe the Bengals can pull that off?
I don’t.
Nothing about this team—Burrow or no Burrow—screams, “We’re about to beat the Ravens twice, the Bills, Cardinals, Dolphins, and Browns with zero slip-ups.” Honestly? Even with No. 9 under center, I’d expect something like 3-3 down the stretch.
The Bengals had one of the best offenses in the league in 2024, and their defense was a total disaster. It cost them dearly. And instead of fixing it, the front office played contract chicken with their only productive pass rusher, spent a first-round pick on someone who can’t actually play football, and assumed Geno Stone and Jordan Battle would magically level up under Al Golden.
That entire rant boils down to one sentence: the Bengals didn’t do anything to make their 2024 dumpster-fire defense any less dumstery or fire-ey.
So what reason do I have to believe?
Magic isn’t real, and if you think it is, then you also have to accept that the city of Cincinnati is obviously cursed. The Bengals have a 1% chance to make the playoffs. That means a 99% chance they won’t. To me, that might as well be 1000%.
This isn’t about whether Burrow should play—he’s playing. That ship has sailed. The question is whether it even matters.
I say it doesn’t, because I don’t believe in the Bengals.
Do you? And if so… why?
I think I’m one of the few people who genuinely looks forward to Thanksgiving more than Christmas. I love this season—fall is easily my favorite—but Thanksgiving hits different. The food, the family, the football. And this year, I get all of that and the Bengals.
If I had to rank my top five Thanksgiving dishes, here’s my list:
These are foods I only get once a year (well, except the ham), and I get to eat them with my favorite people while watching my favorite sport. This year, I also get to watch my favorite team. I’m not entirely sure if I’m excited about that, but for now I’ll say I am.
What are your favorite Thanksgiving dishes? And are you...
