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Super Bowl LIX is this Sunday, and it’s between the … Kansas City Chiefs and Philadelphia Eagles? Oh, brother.
On the surface, this is a tough game for neutrals. The Chiefs are back again challenging the Patriots dynasty, and Philly fans remain the worst. But let’s be real New England fans, are you really going to go outside and touch grass? Of course not! Have you seen the weather report in the Boston area? You could stay in and binge “Severance,” but then you’re just the party pooper and no one wants to be that.
That’s where we come in. We’ll break down what to look forward to and offer suggestions on the best way to enjoy Super Bowl LIX at Caesars Superdome without drowning in agony. Let’s break it all down.
Free Agent Watch
Kansas City and Philadelphia have multiple players entering free agency, ten of whom could be of interest to the Patriots. Sit back and just pay attention to these players and fantasize about them in a New England uniform.
STAY OFF YOUR PHONE, ESPECIALLY X/TWITTER OK, Patriots fans, let’s be real for a moment. Would a third consecutive Super Bowl title challenge the New England dynasty and put Patrick Mahomes ahead of Tom Brady in the GOAT conversation? Who gives a f–k?! Andy Reid and Mahomes are great in their own right. Don’t get caught up in engagement bait posts on social media. Enjoy the incredible run the Chiefs have been on. Guys like Xavier Worthy, Trent McDuffie and Chris Jones are so much fun to watch. This is just general advice, but for the Super Bowl, stay off social media, especially the hellscape that is X, formerly known as Twitter.
And also, seeing Taylor Swift on the broadcast isn’t so bad when you don’t have a bunch of dummies telling you how it’s “ruining the NFL.” “Red” is a banger and “The Story of Us” is a classic.
Dudes Being Dudes
Mahomes and Jalen Hurts will get the spotlight because they’re quarterbacks. Saquon Barkley is the man, and Travis Kelce is one of the top playoff pass-catchers ever. But there are also great players to keep an eye on. For the two-time defending champs, they could lean on DeAndre Hopkins. Yeah, remember him? The superstar wide receiver is one of the most likable people in the NFL and his mother’s incredible survival story makes you want to root for him to get his first ring. Outside of Jones, George Karlaftis and Tershawn Wharton are incredible people movers. And Nick Bolton and Leo Chenal are low-key underrated and worth keeping an eye on in the run game.
Kansas City’s got an impressive offensive line with former Patriot Joe Thuney adjusting well at left tackle. But the Eagles have monsters protecting Hurts and opening lanes for Barkley. Jordan Mailata is probably one of the chillest guys in the NFL, and if you’re rooting for a Chiefs demise, the defense has got you covered. Jalen Carter is a...
