Inside The Star
So the Philadelphia TushPushers™ scored themselves a big win last month. They conned nine other teams into blocking a ban on their rugby play.
In typical classless conduct we’ve all come to expect from all things Philly, the Eagles’ owner even injected a bit of teenage erotica into the mix.
I mean, these people boo Santa Claus, so what else would you expect, right?
The move to ban the rugby play fell just two votes short. So the victory is probably short-lived.
The TushPushers™ cleverly framed the argument around player safety.
No one has gotten hurt, yet, running the play, so they argued it couldn’t be banned under that standard.
They managed to fool nine other owners into ignoring that a rugby play has no place in the NFL which, last time I checked, plays American football.
But there is still yet a way to foil the TushPushers™ evil plan. Here’s the way to kill this play once and for all.
By affirming the “tush push” is now a legal play, the NFL has decreed that an offensive player, or players, may push a ball carrier forward to gain additional yards.
So be it. At the next owner’s meeting, one team should propose this rule change:
“As the offense may now gain yardage by pushing a ball carrier forward, the defense is now allowed to push a ball carrier backwards. The ball will be spotted, not at the point where forward progress was halted, but at the point where the ball carrier either goes out of bounds, or falls to the ground.”
That’s the point that should have been raised to kill the “tush push” last month.
It isn’t fair that the offense is allowed to benefit from the play. The defense should be allowed to use the play to its advantage too.
Trust me, a safety scored after a defense pushes a ball carrier back 50 yards into the end zone would put an end to this nonsense in a hurry.
In the meantime, the Eagles are now the TushPushers™. They fully own the moniker now and everyone in the world should refer to them as the Philadelphia TushPushers™.
I’ve even created a new helmet for them to fully embrace their new identity.
And because I’m such a nice guy here’s a new official hashtag to replace #FlyEaglesFly too.
#PushTushersPush
It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? A perfect look and messaging for a dishonorable franchise that resorts to gimmicks to win titles.
They keep it up, and they are going to pass the New England Patriots in tainted Lombardi trophies sooner rather than later.
