The Phinsider
EXT. HARD ROCK STADIUM, MIAMI — DAY
The Dolphins offense begins their game against the Los Angeles (San Diego) Chargers with the ball. They are prepared to march down the field, ready to conquer all before them.
On the second play of the drive, Jaylen Waddle deflects a surefire catch into the arms of a defender. Interception.
EXT. HARD ROCK STADIUM, MIAMI — MOMENTS LATER
The Dolphins defense begins the game as the Chargers possess the ball. They are prepared to prevent their opponent from marching down the field, ready to conquer all before them.
They hold Los Angeles to a field goal, that is then turned into a 1st down due to a penalty, miss a chance to recover a fumble, waste a timeout, and surrender a field goal anyway.
WE’RE BACK, BABY.
Just kidding.
Man.
Imagine.
Coming into this year, the front seven were purported to be not only the strength of Miami’s defense, but one of the best units in the entire NFL. Now, six weeks in, they are not either of those things.
La’Dainian Tomlinson and Austin Ekeler combined for — wait, that was actually Hassan Haskins and Kimani ‘Gore’ Vidal.
Just like Week 5 against the Panthers, the Dolphins’ run defense decided to boost a backup back’s stats into the stratosphere, allowing Vidal to gain 124 yards on 18 carries, good for an average of an embarassing number that they should be ashamed of.
Vidal was the third player from Troy ‘and Abed in the Morning’ University to gain over 100 yards rushing in a game. The Fins make kings of every opponent.
To make matters worse, the Chargers’ offensive line was playing backups at each tackle position, including one Bobby ‘Kevin’ Hart, who hadn’t started a game at tackle since the Napoleonic Wars.
And that’s just the run defense.
The pass defense was also not good, specifically the incredible pass rush, which dominated the Chargers makeshift line to the tune of 1 sack for 1 yard lost. There was some pressure, but it was always a fraction too late. Or, as was the case on the final drive, rushers got to Justin ‘Hoover’ Herbert, but didn’t feel like tackling him.
As soon as the Chargers got the ball back with :43 left, I knew the ending. Not because Herbert is a great come from behind quarterback. Not because the Chargers have a monstrous offense. But because Miami’s defense is one of the worst I’ve ever seen.
Yeah; this is like complimenting the punter.
Plays routinely got in with 10+ seconds left on the play clock, timeouts weren’t burned to save Delay of Game penalties, and pre-snap penalties were kept to a minimum. The 2:00 drill to finish the 1st half was moving along until a penalty on Larry Borom pushed it backwards, ultimately ending with a field goal.
Those are all positives that this team (and all Mike McDaniel...
