The Phinsider
Here’s where an intro would go if I wasn’t a hack and a fraud.
Our boys in blue-ish hopped a flight all the way to sunny Madrid for an internationally renowned contest against the Washington Shmoshingtons. Both teams came in with a 3-7 record and both teams played as though those records were well deserved.
The Dolphins gave up 172 yards on the ground, threw for 171 yards total, and took this thing the whole way to overtime before squeaking out a win.
Coaches were excited to be involved in the chaos, specifically when Mike McDaniel opted to give De’Von Achane his 212th carry on 3rd and goal, despite Ollie Gordon being designed in a lab for just that purpose. Of course, Achane didn’t make it and got hurt, at which point MM tried Gordon on 4th down, daring the defense to stuff the run when it was more telegraphed than Alexander Graham Bell, which they promptly did.
Give it to OGII on 3rd. Kick it on 4th. Get it together, Mike.
Even the refs felt the urge to get in on the goofin’. With 5:37 left in the 2nd quarter, Miami had the Shmoshingtons pinned back on their own 6 yard line. They stuffed Jacory Croskey-Merritt for a 1 yard loss, bringing up 2nd and 11 from the 5. An incomplete pass brought up 3rd and 11 from the 5, where Washington ran a draw for 4 yards and punted to— just kidding.
That’s almost certainly how it would have played out had the officials not invented a phantom pass intereference on Jack Jones that was the worst PI call I’d see until the end of the Sunday Night game.
As I always say (like, literally, it’s all I say to my friends and family and they don’t understand why and they hate me for it and it’s almost certainly the main reason I will die alone): “A win is a win.”
It’s about as useful as ‘it is what it is’, but when you’re a Dolphins fan, it’s often all you’ve got. 16 points in a 16-13 OT game against a 3 win team is still better than 12 or fewer. It wasn’t pretty, it didn’t beget a glut of confidence, but it ended up on the right side of the spreadsheet. You can only beat who they put in front of you.
Speaking of which:
Hearken back, me hearties, to the long forgotten year of 2018. The world was young and new, the air clean, the water clear, and the Dolphins bad, probably. I don’t even need to check the history books, I’m just making that assumption from memory and my feelings know it to be true.
Also in 2018, teams who weren’t the Dolphins had some fine players floating about. (Okay, the first one was actually on the Dolphins, but still.)
Laremy Tunsil was coming into his third season, Zach...
