Buffalo Bills tailgating: Tables will be broken. You don’t have to be

Fans of the Buffalo Bills are known for being diehard, loyal, and perhaps a touch chaotic. Sometimes that surfaces in the form of mass charity. Sometimes it erupts in mischievous ways such as the infamous culture of table smashing. I know what you’re thinking. Really? A PSA. Well… yes. But check out the author, because what you’re in store for today is a….

Public Skarekrow Announcement

As Bills fans we’ve all heard it asked before; “Why table smashing?” Well I’m not a history professor but here’s some guesswork on my part. Table smashing came into widespread fame during the “extreme” era of professional wrestling which spawned backyard copycats across the country. Most of the world grew out of it. We did not.

Western New York has long been enamored with professional wrestling and coupled with our pride in dealing with discomfort (we live on Hoth half the year), maybe that’s why table smashing has endured here. Maybe “endured” isn’t the right word. “Thrived” might be better. Actually, “embedded into the zeitgeist of our region to the point of becoming a christening ritual for newborns” sounds the most accurate.

Is this a PSA asking you to stop this practice? I’m not naive enough to believe I have that kind of sway but for legal liability reasons I am 100% saying no one reading this should attempt this stunt. I promised a Public Skarekrow Announcement though, and that means an informative look at risky behavior. Why should you trust me?

[cue credentials]

If, despite my warnings, you’re still thinking about jumping through or being thrown through a table, here’s a few things to consider:

• You might miss, and the ground isn’t very forgiving
• The hinges that let that table fold are steel and thin, and sometimes they get exposed during the break
• It’s a reflex to put your hand down to brace. Wrist and elbow injuries are no joke
• You probably won’t sell it right, popping right back up like a jerk and I’m going to make fun of you for it

If you’re insisting on doing it anyway…

• Surface area is your friend, land with as much of your back as possible
• Check your footing, slips = a bad time
• Think things through, even if it goes well it’s probably still going to be a bit painful

I’m really not trying to encourage anyone to do this, but once in awhile we all take risks. Many risks can be successfully navigated with a little knowledge and careful planning. If you’re taking part in Bills Mafia culture by jumping through a table, do what you can to make it a safe experience.

Having fun means knowing your limits. Think about how you’re going to land safely. If you’re drinking, think about how you’re getting home without getting behind the wheel. At the end of the day, let’s make sure we live to see another tailgate.