Crossing Broad
The Philadelphia Eagles really might win it all again next year. The early read is that these guys are built differently, that they’re not going to let success get to their head and slack this offseason when the confetti stops falling. We’ve got Jalen Hurts, who’s barely smiled since lifting the Lombardi and Super Bowl MVP trophy, talking about how this is the beginning of the destination and refusing to shotgun beers on The Tonight Show to celebrate. Now you have A.J. Brown, who gave himself 48 hours to enjoy the Super Bowl, telling us how he felt nothing. That the only thrill he feels is when a DB surrenders because he knows he can’t fuck with him:
DAWG!
You gotta be a special breed to think like this (probably why he’s an All-Pro wide receiver and I’m sitting on my couch). If I won the Super Bowl you’d find me in a ditch off of Delaware Ave 72 hours later because I wouldn’t stop partying. Once the confetti fell you couldn’t tell me nothing at that point. I’d make everyone address me as Kyle Pagan: Super Bowl Champion. Doctors visits, food orders, I’d even go to the DMV and see if I could get my name changed to Kyle Pagan Super Bowl Champion. I’d come back the next year out of shape and still have grain alcohol on my breath when I took my physical. The Jersey Shore would never be the same. They’d hang my jersey in the rafters like that strip club did James Harden. I would literally boost the economy of Wildwood by myself. My financial advisor would call me wondering why I used my Super Bowl bonus to import the original Blob from Heavyweights. I’d do commercials, TV, movies. Anything I could get my hands on. I’d be at every award show soaking it up. The BET Awards? Sign me up. I’ll even present. Just make sure you phonetically type out the name of SoundCloud rapper who just won Best New Artist. You couldn’t tell me nothing. A.J. Brown, on the other hand, is probably running routes in the snow right now. Jalen Hurts is going to get off the float and go watch tape to see what happened on his interception. I mean Vic Fangio looked like the Super Bowl celebration was getting in the way of him watching a defensive lineman from the SWAC they want to target in the 4th round:
Vic Fangio, Super Bowl Champion pic.twitter.com/XWJ0vuagyw
— Eliot Shorr-Parks (@EliotShorrParks) February 10, 2025
This might be the most boring Super Bowl parade ever.
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