Behind the Steel Curtain
It’s time for our first edition of the QB Dating Game. Which of our first 3 contestant will the audience prefer?
The Steelers are in desperate need of a new franchise quarterback. In the weeks leading up to the 2025 college football season, we’ll be examining some of the top college quarterbacks eligible for the 2026 draft. However, we’re going to have some fun along the way. If you’re looking for further explanation/context, read the series primer here. All responses from the “players” in this article are fictitious and stem from my own analysis, which is why some of the answers will offer analysis you would never hear a media-trained quarterback say. If you complain about this feature in the comments, just know that you’re a lint-licker.
An uneasy crowd sits in semi-darkness, as anxious murmurs spread throughout Acrisure Stadium. Suddenly, a spotlight fires to life, illuminating a stage set up at the 50-yard line. Music begins to play through the stadium speakers, and the crowd erupts into cheers as the PA announcer’s voice booms out:
“Welcome to the Steelers QB Dating Game! Anddddd here’s your host, Steely McBeam!”
From behind a red, blue and yellow curtain emerges the Steelers’ mascot, holding what appears to be a microphone shaped like a steel beam.
Steely McBeam: Are Yinz ready to find your quarterback? I said, are you ready to meet your new quarterback?! It could be one of these gentlemen here tonight. The Stairway to Seven starts here, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s meet our contestants!
Steely McBeam: Listed as 6’2 and 210 pounds, our first contestant hails from Austin, Texas. One of the top prospects from the 2022 recruiting class, he was a five-star recruit described as an “energetic leader,” he already ranks in the top-5 for most of his school’s all-time passing statistics. Let’s give it up for our first contestant, Mr. Lonestar!
Steely McBeam: Our next contestant is also proof that everything’s bigger in Texas. A 6’6 and 224-pound, dual-threat quarterback from Lewisville, he began as a humble 3-star recruit, spending three seasons in the Mountain West Conference. Last year, he made the leap to a school in a Power 5 conference where he put up a ton of yards through the air and on the ground.. With a stellar 2025 season, it wouldn’t be a stretch for him to enter the first-round conversation. A round of applause for Mr. Fantastic!
Steely McBeam: We like them tall here, don’t we, folks? Now let’s put our hands together for our final contestant. A former volleyball player from Long Beach, CA, he was a five-star recruit and the number two overall prospect in the 2023 class according to both 247 Sports and Rivals. Things weren’t as breezy as he’d have hoped at his first college stop, but a return to the West Coast could rejuvenate his career. Standing 6’6 and weighing 215 pounds, let’s hear it for The Natural!
Steely McBeam:...
