Behind the Steel Curtain
Can you believe we’ve reached three episodes? Which of these three contestants will advance to the final Round of 5?
The Steelers are in desperate need of a new franchise quarterback. In the weeks leading up to the 2025 college football season, we’ll be examining some of the top college quarterbacks eligible for the 2026 draft. However, we’re going to have some fun along the way. All responses from the “players” in this article are fictitious and stem from my own analysis, which is why some of the answers will offer analysis you would never hear a media-trained quarterback say. If you complain about this feature in the comments, just know that you’re a lint-licker.
If you’re looking for further explanation/context for this series, read our past entries, including:
“Welcome to the Steelers QB Dating Game! Anddddd here’s your host, Steely McBeam!”
Steely McBeam: Welcome back, welcome back. Can you believe we’re still on air, folks? We had a tight race last week, much tighter than our first episode. With 53% of the vote, “Superman” LaNorris Sellers is moving on to the finale. One man here will join him. Who will it be? Let’s meet our contestants!
Steely McBeam: If you’re looking for experience, you’re barking up the wrong tree with our first contestant. This signal caller might be green, but many already view him as the Prince Who Was Promised. Raised in New Orleans, this passer was the number one recruit in the nation* and has an experienced team around him. If we’re being completely honest, there’s a fairly substantial chance that his circle will advise him against coming out after just one season as a starter. We’ve only seen a small sample of him so far, but at 6’4 and 216 pounds, with a plus arm talent and mobility, he sure looks the part. Let’s get a round of applause for Prince Charming!
*All recruit ranks are via 247Sports
Steely McBeam: Our next contestant gets his name from the Grateful Dead song of the same name. Watching his 2024 season was a thrilling and sometimes stupefying ride that I highly recommend to fans of gunslingers, and warn against for the faint of heart. Yet another native Texan in our series, this quarterback’s playstyle is reminiscent of a style of backyard quarterbacking that was prevalent in the region he grew up in. Fans might recognize what I’m talking about in the games of quarterbacks like Baker Mayfield, Kyler Murray, Patrick Mahomes, and Johnny Manziel, all players who led teams within a 5-hour drive from his hometown. And at 6’1 and 224 pounds, he resembles many of them in size as well. He was only a three-star recruit and just the 124th-ranked quarterback. In his first two years, he saw little playing time as he sat behind eventual No. 1...
