Cincy Jungle
It’s time to get creative, Duke.
The Cincinnati Bengals game vs. the Dallas Cowboys will take place in the Simpsons’ universe. With that in mind, here are 10 Simpsons characters who could help the Bengals.
Hans Moleman tried out for the team, but he kept getting him in the groin instead of making the catch.
Ned Flanders? Okily dokily.
Ned has shown himself to be a gifted athlete on many occasions. He would make a great teammate. He’s unselfish and helped Stan “The Boy” Taylor’s career take off by helping him get clean.
While Duff Man is a bit of a partier, he is a good athlete who is strong and has good hips. This should translate well to the defensive side of the ball where he can flip his hips and cover or use his power thrust to make the tackle.
Oh, yeah!
Lieutenant L.T. Smash did a great job of scouting and developing the Party Posse, and that skill could translate to the sideline as a defensive coordinator. Smash would get these young defenders in line using a three-pronged attack - subliminal, liminal and super liminal.
Yvan Eht Nioj.
Groundskeeper Willie? More like Grinds-keeper Willie! This guy works!
He’s got the intensity of a great linebacker and loves to fight. Plus, he is absolutely jacked.
Maybe the Bengals can get him without using a roster sport through the international opportunities program.
Okay, so he’s a preteen, but anyone who can throw a deep pass, then run down and catch it for a touchdown deserves a look. He also sets up his blocks nicely by picking Bart up and using him as a shield.
Muntz has demonstrated leadership skills in his interactions with Dolph, Kearney, and Jimbo Jones. However, his catchphrase “Ha ha” may lead to frequent taunting calls.
The Bengals could use a reliable kicker and Springfield University’s star player Anton Lubchenko could be the answer. There are a couple of red flags. His major was communication, which is of course phony.
He was run over by a drunk homecoming parade float driver and, after a botched miracle healing, resulted in his severed leg double-kicking the winning field goal.
So, he has an injury history, but he is definitely clutch.
The muscle-bound Austrian known for his portrayal of McBain would give the Bengals an upgrade on the offensive line. Plus, you know he’d have a great one-liner when he makes a block.
Although he has dealt with weight issues at times, they just need to make sure he lays off the Schnackenpfefferhausen bratwursts and focus on moving people in the trenches.
Homer Simpson may not be a physical specimen, but in the words of his...
